Boyhood

(As I took my stroll through the cafe, I noticed him.

He had engrossed himself on a frame of wall art, seeming to trace the artistic impressions of the confusing piece of canvas, in his heart.

We had decided to meet the previous day. He carried inside him the memory of his childhood. The story of a 11 year old boy. A memory that he wished would fade away) "As the rest of the house slept, I had the knife, inches from his heaving chest. But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. My hands couldn't do it. Maybe my life wasn't meant to end in a rehabilitation center. I left his fate to Almighty."

"He always said to me that I was his favorite kid. He bought chocolates for me whenever he went to town."

"There's a house which we used to pass on the way to buy grocery. The house belonged to an NRI. They had given him a duplicate key and it was unoccupied at that time."

"One day he decided to show me around the house, at least that's what I thought." (He grew uncomfortable with every word he uttered.) "We were inside. We stepped into the main hall. He started being strange from then. His behaviour started to change bit by bit. Holding my hand, pulling me to him. But I just brushed it off. Maybe I was assuming things. After all I was his favorite kid."

"He started rubbing my hands and slowly placed it over his.. (He couldn't speak any more. His eyes disclosed his trauma. He held on to his glass of water on the table, firmly, like a child holding on for hope. His head bowed down, his eyes shut firm, trying to hold back his tears of guilt, grinding his teeth in anger, in shame, struggling to conceal his vulnerability from me. Even after 8 years, his unseen wounds haven't healed.)

Didn't you ever tell your parents about this happening? "Even if I do, can they take back what had already happened to me? The sleepless nights, I would cry and cry to sleep. And do you think they would believe a 11 year old's seemingly absurd claim on a respected person in the family? After all he was my grandfather."

"I still feel disgusted when I see him, whenever he hugs me while I visit them, I feel like screaming right there. Scream out the pain of a boy. I live with this everyday.You won't understand what it feels like to live with a sin you never committed. Nobody will"

"When he breathes his last, even though I would appear mournful, I would be smiling on the inside."

#beyondfaces #boyhood #life #courage #Abuse